There's a disturbing new trend targeting America's youth. It's so new that you may
not even be aware of it. As a matter of fact, I suspect it may have started in my very own home!
It all began when I asked my soon-to-be teen son, Michael, what he wanted for his birthday. "Well..." he said,
"I'll give you a hint. It has batteries, a trigger, shoots liquid and has a refillable chamber."
"Are you sure?" I asked.
"Absolutely!" was his reply.
Now, he may have meant a Hybrid Numattix paintball system with a 12-inch OTP barrel, an R2
regulator, Evolution II loader and Blunt mini slide mount. But what he got was a Swiffer WetJet.
I could blame it on the age-old teen/adult miscommunication. But the fact is, I just couldn't resist. It
met all of his qualifications, and mine too!
And, secretly, he liked it. As a matter of fact, for a while, he was a closet Swifferer. Every time I left
the house, I'd return home to sparkling clean floors. It wasn't until I found Swiffer marks on the ceiling that I realized
things were getting a bit out of hand.
At first, I thought perhaps Mike was turning up the stereo full blast, donning a pair of sunglasses and dancing
round the house in his socks and underwear while using the Swiffer as a guitar. If only it were that simple.
Shortly after the Swiffer ceiling incident, I noticed the dog looked a bit damp. Whenever the Swiffer appeared,
she'd start whining and curl up in a ball under the dining room table.
Then, Mike started sharing his Swiffer with friends. Before long, kids all over town were swiping
Swiffers right and left! They were playing Swiffer Wars in my back yard.
And then, the phone rang.
"Kate, this has got to stop!" my neighbor Mary exclaimed. "Our floors have never been so clean. It's
just too weird. We want our old slob son back!" she complained. "Besides" Mary whined, "I bought that
Swiffer for me!"
You know... Christmas is coming. I wouldn't be surprised if the Swiffer WetJet becomes the hottest selling
new toy for the holiday season. It is, after all, just good clean fun!
If Mattel were smart they'd buy up the Swiffer rights and market it as the latest shooter game. Once parents learned
how to share their Swiffers, they might actually grow to love it. Especially if it came with a Mr. Bubble behind-the-ear
attachment. Those hard to scrub kids would be... well... clean!
Next thing you know, Sega or Nintendo will develop a video game "Super Swiffer" where a kid named 'Mad Maxi' armed
with only a WetJet, a super absorbent pad and a bottle of antibacterial cleaning solution must save the world from the evil
Dr. Slime and his grimy sidekicks.
This could revolutionize fun as we now know it!
As a matter of fact, please don't tell anyone, but ever since this whole Swiffer War thing started, I've had an
overwhelming urge to grab the Swiffer, pull on some camouflage and clean the house!
