My Aunt Rosa was always a bit odd. At a very young age she misplaced her eye during
a tragic incident involving her brother, a BB gun and the family parrot.
For several years Aunt Rosa wore an eye patch. She convinced her friends that it was a gift from
her grandfather, a pirate, who had recently retired from a life of high crimes and misdemeanors.
At the age of 8, Aunt Rosa received a lovely, custom painted glass eye from her parents. It was her prized
possession. Not only was it less cumbersome than the eye patch... but she was also the only student in her school to
have a real glass eye for marbles!
Her hero was Popeye the Sailor. A kindred spirit of sorts. She was convinced that behind Popeye's
scurvy squint was a glassy expression that matched her own. And even though Popeye sometimes got
into trouble, he always managed to triumph in the end with a little spinach and a lotta luck.
Since Popeye already had a girlfriend, Aunt Rosa vowed never to marry. No man, except her hero, could
possibly understand or appreciate her odd sense of humor.
Whenever a suitor came to call, she'd pop out her eye, hold it up and say, "But Daddy, he just doesn't look
quite right to me..."
One day, a young soldier knocked at the door. As soon as Aunt Rosa's wandering eye appeared the
visitor burst out laughing, turned to her father and said, "I'd give my right arm to marry that girl!" Reaching
inside his jacket, the soldier unhinged his prosthetic arm and handed it to her.
Aunt Rosa gazed down at the unexpected gift and gasped in surprise. The arm had an anchor tattoo!
They were married immediately.
In spite of their best efforts, Aunt Rosa and Uncle Albert never had children. So, just to make
life interesting, Aunt Rosa started collecting boxes and tins of all shapes and sizes. Hatboxes, pillboxes,
candy tins and coffee cans. She never threw any of them away... "You just never know when you'll need a nice box."
she'd say.
Years later, after Uncle Albert passed away, Aunt Rosa started to lose her twinkle. And even
though her glass eye appeared to be intact, the rest of her marbles seemed a bit scattered.
At the age of 87, Aunt Rosa was convinced that burglars crept about in her house at night, intent on stealing her
blind. So, she filled her boxes, cans and tins with trinkets and treasures... everything from diamond rings
to paperclips and lots and lots of cotton balls.
After her death, the family spent weeks going through her house, one cotton ball at a time. It was the
ultimate treasure hunt! There were squeals of excitement when something marvelous was uncovered. And groans
of disgust over an ancient half-eaten tuna sandwich.
As the final box was opened, everyone gathered round. Just a box of Cheerios. Nothing special. Except
for a note peeking out from the bottom layer of oats that said, "Eye'll be seeing you."
At just that moment the old cuckoo clock in the kitchen corner decided to chirp the time. Only, instead of the
little cuckoo bird, out popped Aunt Rosa's infamous eye!
Sometimes I miss my oddball Aunt. Sometimes I really do.
